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Joshua

by One Big Dark Room

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dillonnull Heartbreakingly honest and dark without melodrama.subtle guitar work creating the perfect atmosphere for one of the most powerful voices in music. Stunning.
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1.
15 years ago today, I held your hand in mine My skin was softer, my eyes were brighter, but I doubt my heart was much lighter Such a glorious morning, I’m sure I thought it that, And that come nightfall, I would be with you and all would be well when I kissed you Fast forward and the mention of you can still leave me stammering Time wears on, we drift apart. The heart can take a hammering. I never knew until then, never felt it could be true, That I could be seen, I could be known, and ever after I’d be thrown... Fast forward and the mention of you can still leave me stammering Time wears on, we drift apart. The heart can take a hammering.
2.
Other Times 03:16
There are times I fill a cup, lift my feet out of the tub Find in my pocket, a ticket stub, and not think of you at all There are times when I’ll heave a sigh, and wonder at the days gone by And gaze upon a starry sky, and not think of you at all Then there are the other times... There are times out in the street where I’m surprised to get out free And I don’t think of you and me. No, I don’t think of you at all. There are mornings where I rise, or afternoons of plans devised, Or nights that as I close my eyes I don’t think of you at all. No, I don’t think of you at all. Then there are the other times...
3.
Looking out the door I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water Maybe I’m too young to keep good love from going wrong But tonight you are on my mind so you’ll never know Every inch of me is full of pain, oh you should’ve come over My broken bones can smell the rain and they’re aching to be covered, oh, And the rain, I want it to come down fast like kisses on my skin But it passed me by, and it left me dry… oh… lover, you should’ve come over Will I wait for you, will I burn, will I ever see your return? Oh, will I ever learn, oh lover, you should’ve come over, ’cause it’s not too late. Lonely is the room the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in Oh burning in a corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him My body turns and yearns for a sleep that won’t ever come It’s never over, a kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder, iit’s never ever all my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her It’s never over all my blood for the memories, and the sweetness of her laughter It’s never over... she’s the tear that hangs inside my soul forever Yes, and I feel too young to hold on but much too old to break free and run Too deaf dumb and blind to see the damage I’ve done sweet lover, you should’ve come over, (will I wait for you, lover?) Lover you should’ve come over, it’s not too late.
4.
it's funny how these feelings are almost finally dead and I can only now articulate what's been going through my head over the last several years that I've been without him now that those memories have suddenly all grown dim even so, here I am still trying to grasp the image of every sad smile, the sound of every quick gasp anything that emanated from his perfect small frame from the way he felt in my arms to the sound of his name and I know I can't be transported back to that single halloween... where everything I knew had nothing to do with my most-cherished, used-up dream that single day that altered my way was he right in that we were wrong, that we never fit together enough all along? and despite my present bliss, I'm still wondering about where I might be now if we'd just seen what could've all panned out... but isn't that what young love's for? isn't that why he found me on my last childhood's hallow's eve to prove the greatness of possibility, where at any given point, I could leave one reality, and join the wand'ring in a world of endless fantasy? maybe I really was too weak, and he was just too strong maybe he never heard the right words, maybe I never wrote the right song, maybe I was just too past-obsessed and he was too forward-thinking his eyes always open and mine always blinking I'll move along, it's just that I know what to miss; the scent of his shirts, the taste of his kiss. it's been that same first taste of love I've had some trouble giving up.
5.
Puppy Love 03:45
When I'm deepest in the darkness, somehow your face still comes to light: all its stillness, all its realness, with the fullness of the night. When I'm weeping, somehow, creeping, your name carries through my breath, as though you whisper while I'm sleeping, so that I can never rest and I know, yeah, I know that this wasn't puppy love - even if it wasn't quite enough We were mired in the face of finally finding something right, but so tired beat by resistance that we lost the will to fight though I knew, no, I knew, I’d never say goodbye to you - even when you asked me to, you should know, you should know that you still hurt. (For whatever that is worth). and I know, yeah, I know that this wasn't puppy love - even if it wasn't quite enough
6.
As I Recall 03:06
Maybe I’d shake Maybe I’d wait To see what you had to say But either way Maybe I won’t know The right time to go Maybe you’ll say goodbye And I’ll cry But as I recall I crashed When I saw you last Lost out in the rain, I fell While your stony ground you held So, when I see your face Should I turn away? We danced a lark of youth In searching for some truth And found it in a flame Two parts of one same We aged liike sweetened smoke Warming, heady notes, But bitter for the distance And its curving risky road. But as I recall you made The choice that we should break After all this time, I felt This fragile heart you held Lusted for release Just one moment’s peace From that fairest face And your close embrace While I’ll want to stay, I should turn away
7.
Do you ever imagine what it might be like if we had never met? What if you had just stayed in bed, if I had scored better on the math of my first SAT test, Or if you had just gone home, or I had never smoked, or if you only ever had one senior year? I might not be here, I might never have left- Do you ever think of where you’d be if we had never met? Why should we pretend that we never did? Why write it off as some dumb fling we only shared ‘cause we were kids? I know it was more, I know it was more, I know it was more than that Do you ever imagine what it might be like if we had never kissed? What if you had never paid the visit, or I didn't get permission to go to Mary's that Halloween like I wished, Or if you had been broke, or we weren't left alone, in the mist, under the stars at the Top of the World? I’d have never been your girl. What would we have missed? Do you ever think of where we’d be if we had never kissed? Why should we pretend that we never did? Why write it off as some dumb fling we only shared ‘cause we were kids? I know it was more, I know it was more, I know it was more than that Do you ever imagine what it might be like if we had never fallen in love? If on that Thanksgiving break, we weren't same-time/same-place, and we didn't get the chance to meet up? If I had blown you off, gone with that other guy, might you have become a long time friend? Could we have made amends when push came to shove? Do you ever wonder who you'd be if we never fell in love? Why should we pretend that we never did? Why write it off as some dumb fling we only shared ‘cause we were kids? I know it was more, I know it was more, I know it was more than that
8.
Close my eyes, and listen hard. Just like that, these 15 years Of livin’ fast, and keepin’ on without you, disappear. I feel familiar tones springing up and so, If I mute just the right string, maybe I still can make them sing… Why don’t you call? If you would just send me a sign that’d be fine, but why nothing at all? Are you ever walkin’ ‘round sometime, and suddenly you find You can’t quite help but feel as though you left something behind? And you hear just the right song, and for a moment you are gone Somewhere in a day gone by, looking me in the eye? Is that why you don’t call? If I ever shot you a line, would you mind? Should I say nothing at all? Nothing at all… nothing at all…
9.
From the wrinkles on my forehead to the mud upon my shoe Everything’s a memory with strings that tie to you. In my dream I’m off and running to a place that’s out of view Of every kind of memory with strings that tie to you. And though a change has taken place and I no longer do adore her Still every god forsaken place is always right around the corner Now I know it’s either them or me, so I’ll bury every clue And every kind of memory with strings that tie to you, Every kind of memory with strings that tie to you.

about

"Joshua" is an adult reflection on an adolescent love that is relatable to anyone who ever had a broken heart, but had to move on. Equal parts lovely and haunting, One Big Dark Room invites the listener to compare the past with the present with this new collection.

credits

released May 22, 2020

Recorded and performed by Lex Land (One Big Dark Room) in a shack in Austin, TX in May 2020.

All songs written by Lex Land @CrissCrossdArrowsMusic except for:

Track 3: Jeff Buckley @KobaltPubAmerica
Track 9: Jon Brion @UniversalMusicCorp obo @OctoberTracks

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One Big Dark Room Austin, Texas

After a sudden death of a loved one, singer-songwriter LEX LAND let her darker side take over. The songs of ONE BIG DARK ROOM explore deeper lyrical territory in the hope to help others process grief and regret, and lean on each other to get through this strange and unusual thing called Life. ... more

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